Where do babies come from?

For months, now, maybe even a year, Emma has indulged in a unique post-shower ritual: she curls up on the floor, underneath her towel, and pretends to be born.  She pushes her way out of the terrycloth womb as I pretend to push and I call out encouragement and then congratulations: "Happy birthday, my darling baby!  I am so happy you are here!  I love you!"  Then she makes little baby cooing sounds and crawls over to me. 

I've figured that this is Emmy's way of working through the fact that Amelia is the "new" baby while Emma is growing up (so fast! too fast!) into a big kid.  Although "baby" is the deadliest insult her preschool friends hurl at each other, I think Emma also feels nostalgic for the days when she was a baby and had none of the pressures or responsibilities of being four.

Lately, though, Emma is also asking more pragmatic questions.  It has been challenging to find the right answers for her age and comprehension level. 

How do babies get made?  When grown ups are in love and married, they can make babies. 

How did you and daddy make me?  We were grown up and married and in love, so we knew it was time. 

But HOW?  HOW did you do it?  HOW????  Well, just like the seeds you grew in preschool last week, Daddy has a special seed and he gives it to Mommy so that a baby will grow.  But the seeds are so small that you can't see them.  [The last part hastily added so that Emma didn't ask her daddy to show her the baby seeds. Though I wish I'd thought fast enough to get in the concept that both mommy and daddy have seeds that together make a baby.  Oh well.]

So that's how babies grow inside mommies and daddies?  From seeds?  Pretty much, yes. But babies don't grow in their daddies, only in their mommies. 

But why do babies only grow in their mommies?  Because mommies have uteruses and daddies don't.  Girls and women have uteruses and boys and men don't have them, and babies can only grow in a uterus. 

At this point, David walked through the room and interjected that not only didn't he have a uterus, he didn't want one either, and I whispered to Emmy that he didn't know what he was missing, and then the subject changed.  But the next night, more questions.

Where is my uterus?  I showed her how to make a fist and told her that her uterus was about that size, inside her body, and I showed her roughly where it was.  When a baby grows in it, I told her, it gets bigger.

Is that where food goes, too?  No, food goes to a different place in your tummy.  In fact, if you have a baby in there, there isn't much room for your stomach so you can't eat a lot at one time.  [Emmy thought that was funny.]

How did the first babies get made?  Some people say God made us, other people say that we evolved. 

What is evolved?  Ummm . . . grew and changed over a long long time.

What about animals--how did the first animals get here?  No one really knows, honey.  It's just like with people.  Some people think God made all of us, people and animals too, and other people say we evolved, and other people say first God made us and then we evolved some more.  But no one knows the answer for sure.

How come no one knows the answer?  Some things we are trying to know, but we don't know everything yet.

Then tonight, the biggie:

How did daddy's seed get into you, mommy?  I guess I'll have to get you a book that tells about this.  [and after that brief moment of cowardice] Daddy put it in a special place so it would go in my uterus.  You remember what a uterus is, right?

Emma brightens. Yeah!  Then we move to the next room to put on her pajamas.

I didn't know these questions would start so soon.

 

Comments

[N.]

Oh yes, this is now the prime time for those questions! When I was pregnant, Em wanted to know all about it and we watched a video and I bought her a book that answered most of her questions, but I know that her same-age friends have all been asking similar questions.

Sounds like you handled them with aplomb. :)

[Susan]

My 5 year-old daughter has been asking more specific questions about pregnancy since her Montessori teacher is expecting a baby. This posting helped me so much! I feel like I can handle her questions now when the topic comes up again. THANK-YOU!

[iBeth]

Thanks for the comment, Susan! Not long ago I read a great book (Title: "Everything you didn't want your kids to know about sex but were afraid they'd ask") that said what you say doesn't matter as much as the fact that you are willing to answer without getting upset. The book also said that parents should bring up the subject if the kids don't ask, otherwise kids will assume that the subject is forbidden. I find it a little challenging to bring it up, but it seems to get easier with practice. Good luck with answering your daughter's questions!