A UU at Episcopal Church

For the past month or so, I've been attending a nearby Episcopal church instead of my usual UU church.  My reasons have more to do with family togetherness than anything else: my inlaws attend the Episcopal church, they would never switch, and it's good for all of us to attend the same church together.  (Not only that, but I'm well-positioned to drive them without it seeming like they are a burden.)

I haven't completely thought through all the differences between churches, but right now, a few things stand out:

* Attending a different church really makes apparent the extent to which I feel "UU".  I wasn't sure if I would, since I'd only attended the UU church for a few years. But I really miss the chalice and other parts of the UU service.  I miss being part of my whole disorganized, earnest, granola UU community. 

* The Episcopal church offers more of a "feel good" service. 

The typical UU sermon goes something like this:  "This sermon is about VALUE.  You think you have VALUE?  Well, consider all the ways in which Americans' ordinary life choices promote ANTIVALUE.  I'll bet you yourself do more to promote ANTI-VALUE than VALUE, don't you?  If you really believe VALUE, you need to make better choices."  Inevitable response:  "I SUCK!  But I will try to do better!"

The typical Episcopal sermon goes something like this:  "I was challenged by the Bible readings this week about VALUE so I decided to pray about them, and I learned a lot.  Here's the context for the Bible reading.  Here's the lesson to take away from them.  Of course all of YOU know this because you are good churchgoing people, but please help spread the word."  Inevitable response:  "Hey, I'm ok!  God is happy that I'm in church and that I'm committing myself to VALUE."

* It is a huge relief to belong to an organization for which I feel no pressure to perform service work.  Between my administrative job and my union responsibilities and my homeowners association, I am completely overwhelmed.  Since I'm not an Episcopalian, not even baptized at all (having been raised as a Christian Scientist), I can pass up the volunteer opportunities without much guilt.  Surely they don't want an agnostic like me teaching Sunday School. 

* Not being baptized means you are consistently in the way.  Every Sunday, communion presents a noisy dilemma.  My oldest daughter is baptized, my youngest is not, I am not.  Both daughters could go to the altar with their grandparents for a blessing, but they refuse to go up without me.  I don't want to go and take communion w/o being baptized, which seems disrespectful, since the church program makes it clear that only "baptized persons" are welcome.  But it would be equally disrespectful, I think, to go up to the altar with my children and REFUSE communion.  But I can't just sit in the pew because then no one can else get past me.  (Yes, I sit in the back, and the back pews are crowded!)  So every Sunday, I have to gather the children up, move us all  out of the pew, make all of us dodge traffic, then sit back down.  With two kids, this effort creates a big scene.  I hate it. 

I've actually considered getting baptized just for logistical reasons, but that seems to be the most disrespectful and hypocritical option of all, since I don't really believe the Apostles creed or Nicene creed.  I don't disbelieve, but I don't believe either.  (Besides, who gets baptized at age 40?)

All of that said, I do like this Episcopal church.  It appears to be a liberal church, despite the fact that the local bishop is one of the country's more conservative.  People are welcoming.  And I like having a family church.  It's lonely to be the only adult in the family who attends church.  Much easier to have the grandparents sitting in the pew, helping to manage the children, being willing to talk about the ideas later.

I'm reading the UU blogs in my sidebar with even more intensity now, though.  (Thank you to all of you!)

Comments

[fausto]

Believe it or not, you can get a Unitarian baptism that will get you admitted to Episcopal communion without having to confess the Nicene or Apostles' Creeds or that Jesus is divine. I've seen it done a couple of times. It's an anachronism from our Unitarian Christian heyday, but the ceremony still exists, and it is an authentic baptism, and Christian UU clergy (and even many non-Christian ones) are willing to perform it, if not necessarily advertise it.

[Beth]

Fausto, thanks so much for this information. I should contact my UU minister about this. But maybe it wouldn't be right to ask her for a baptism so that I attend another church without problems. Hmm.

[knomad]

Instead of getting baptized which would mean being baptized in the name of the Trinity talk to the Priest at the Episcopal church about going to the altar with your daughters and receiving a blessing instead of communion. If they know what you prefer I a sure they will be happy to oblige. Also you may go to the altar rail and when then come to you just request their blessing. Don't put your hands out for the bread or wine. I saw this done several times when I was a practicing Episcopalian before I joined the UU's in 1975

[Philocrites]

I anticipate being in your situation myself once we have kids because my wife is in the process of becoming an Episcopal priest. The only way we get to go to church together is for me to go with her, and of course most of the time she's sitting up front and I'm out in the congregation.

You can simply cross your arms at the altar to receive a blessing while others are receiving communion. A blessing can be a very nice way to participate without feeling compromised or hypocritical. Some Episcopal parents actual have their children do this out of an ex-Catholic sense that children shouldn't receive communion until confirmation, but the Episcopal church actually teaches that any baptised person -- young or old -- can receive communion.

Here in Massachusetts, a few Episcopal churches practice "open communion" -- which is also the way the Unitarian Universalist Christian church King's Chapel does it -- which welcomes anyone to take communion, whether they've been baptised or not.

[fausto]

I don't think a Unitarian minister should be reluctant to baptize you so that you can take Episcopal communion. It's a legitimate reason. The whole point of baptism is membership in the entire "body of Christ" across the world and down through time. If you want to share in the "body of Christ" but can't accept the theology of the service the Episcopalians would offer, that's precisely why you would need a Unitarian baptism.

I found a sermon on baptism from a Unitarian point of view by Rev. Tom Wintle of the Frist Parish Church (UU) in Weston, Mass. Here it is:

http://www.firstparishweston.org/sermons/wintlesermons/baptismtheology.html

[fausto]

Hmm, the link disappeared when I checked back here. Then I went to another page, and when I came back the link was there again.

Well, if that happens while you're reading, you can go to the website of the First Parish in Weston (www.firstparishweston.org), and then look in the sermon archive for the one on baptism.

[Christi]

I can relate to the description of UU services--I think that's part of why I've drifted away a bit.

I think talking to a priest about your dilemma might be a good idea; you'd get to know the clergy better and find a solution that presumably would work for everyone.