I'm trying to figure out why it has been so hard for me to get to church lately. I really like my church. I like being part of the UU community. I still feel like part of the UU community (heck, I was amazingly even nominated for a UU blog award--and a pair of my blog entries won--and I feel very honored to have been included in that company).
But I haven't been to church in a looooooong time. Months. And I haven't been a regular attendee for about two years.
Why not? I have lots of reasons:
1. Amelia was born and it was tough to leave her at home and even tougher to bring her. Yes, the church offers nursery facilities, but they seem somewhat, umm chaotic and they aren't antiseptically clean, so I didn't like the idea of leaving her there. (Now that she's older, it might not be so bad). And I knew that if we sat in the wiggle room, I'd spend so much energy trying to keep the girls entertained and away from the newborns that I'd never hear the sermon coming over that tinny speaker. Emma could go play with the other kids, but she is not at all outgoing that way, so she ordinarily insists on staying with me.
2. Summer services are somewhat uneven (our minister takes sabbatical so they are lay-led services) and during the school year, I'm overwhelmed with work. The union bargaining team has devoured countless weekend hours. If I'm getting up early M-Sat, it's just that much harder to get early and leave my husband on Sunday. And during the summer, when I'm not working so hard, I also find the services less rewarding, so I'm less motivated to go. (I suspect that's a horribly rude thing to say, but it is the truth . . . apologies for being so plainspoken.)
3. My husband refuses to go. As is his right. It's just not as much fun when church isn't a family experience.
4. Disorganization. In the past, I have made plans to attend various church events and discovered that the time/place had changed but the changes hadn't been announced (at least not anywhere I saw them), or I learned too late of events that I *would* have attended, or I attended and the event wasn't as advertised. I don't think I'm being picky . . . other members of the congregation have commented on this too. I really believe that it's wrong to complain about volunteer efforts if one isn't prepared to volunteer oneself, so I feel I must apologize for saying this, but disorganization is definitely a factor, if only a slight one. Or rather, it's a factor in my not attending the "extra" events that are not regular services.
5. Hurricanes. We had four hurricanes last fall--those cut down significantly on family outings, including churchgoing.
6. Illness. Now that we have two kids in the family, we've all been sick much more than normal. In fact, right now I have such a bad cold that I'm practically radioactive. I was planning to attend church yesterday but felt the other parishioners would not appreciate me showing up and coughing/snorting/snuffling through the service, spreading germs far and wide. Not to mention the fact that I was utterly exhausted when the alarm sounded.
As I write these reasons, they all sound reasonable. But still . . . two years? At what point do my reasons become simply excuses?
I haven't even made a pledge this year. I meant to, but I wasn't going to church often enough to get a pledge card. Then the church sent me a letter reminding me to complete a pledge card, and the pledge card itself was not in the envelope (even though the reminder letter claimed that it was). So I never got around to making a pledge.
I'm starting to feel like maybe I should quit calling myself a UU if I can't pledge or even attend. The religion isn't about "being" something, it's about *doing* things, and if I can't even get to the services I am clearly not doing enough. But I would feel sad if I weren't UU anymore. *sigh*
I hope the next time I write about religion, I'll once again be a regular churchgoer. That could happen, actually, because Emma is starting to get interested in Sunday School. (It takes her awhile to warm up to new activities, so I try to "sell" her on them well in advance.) We'd need to get up even earlier if she were to attend the RE classes--they start at 930a--but I would definitely have even more incentive to go.
Update: So, this Sunday, even if I have recovered from my upper-respiratory illness (which has already kept me home from my out-of-town trip), I still won't be able to attend church because I have to attend a NSSE conference at work. And Monday, my church will take part in a "public witness" to spotlight the discrimination and targeted violence which recently has been (and continues to be) directed at our local gay community, but I can't go because the annual homeowner's association meeting is that night and I have volunteered to run for the board. My husband joked, "Apparently, God doesn't want you to go to church," but I know that can't be true. *sigh*
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